


Day One

by Sharzdah



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: E-mail Format, Humor, Something Light During a Hard Time, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharzdah/pseuds/Sharzdah
Summary: Day One Operation Save the City of Pawnee from the Coronavirus-Devil ended just as expected.
Kudos: 12





	Day One

**To:** Parks_Pawnee **  
From:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

To whom it may concern,

I’m sure you all have read the latest bulletin distributed by Pawnee Mayor’s Office this morning concerning the COVID19 outbreak. In layman’s terms, the City of Pawnee (and basically everywhere) is promoting the use of “teleworking” and “social distancing.” These policies allow the public service workers to work remotely (preferably in the privacy of their homes) and encourage all Pawnee citizens to interact in a six-foot radius of another.

In terms of the Parks Department, as of a minute ago, the department is still running Please coordinate alternative work schedule with Ron Swanson, the Director of the Parks and Recreation Department.

Also, in order to adhere to the government policy, all correspondences (including meetings) within the department should be done virtually. Please take every opportunity to utilize your government email accounts (which is also accessible via personal devices).

Finally, Chris will be working remotely for the duration of the outbreak for reasons relating to his “microchip” (you all have known him long enough to understand that reference). He will still be the interim City Manager with myself serving as his replacement during his physical absence.

_Note: If you’re sick, STAY HOME. There’s no reason to play hero during these dangerous times. This isn’t Star Wars, we’re not in the middle of the Clone Wars and none of you are Jedis. _

I’ll keep you all posted in any updates.

Regards,

 **Ben Wyatt**  
Acting to the Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _“Live long and prosper.”—Spock_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
From:** Haverford, Thomas M.  
 **Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

You know, J-Shot, your email was going so well until the end.

**Tom Haverford**  
Administrator of Pawnee Parks and Rec  
CEO of Rent-A-Swag/Snakehole Lounge Promoter  
*****  
 _Snakehole Lounge may be closed, but Rent-A-Swag’s still here! 15% Sale on Website._

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
From:** Ludgate, April **  
Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

You don’t have to sound all formal, Ben. 

**April Ludgate  
** PA to the Director  
Pawnee Parks and Rec  
***** ** _  
_** _Time=Money=Power=Pizza=Knowledge._

* * *

**To:** Ludgate, April **  
From:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

It’s a work-related email, April.

**Ben Wyatt**  
Acting to the Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _“Live long and prosper.”—Spock_

* * *

**To:  
From:  
Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Good morning,

Thank you, Ben, for your message! I will definitely take this situation very seriously due to my numerous ailments. Will I be allowed to take a retreat to Munsee? 

Also, Gail and the girls say hello!

Sincerely,

 **Jerry Gergich**  
Dept. of Parks and Recreation  
City of Pawnee

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
From:** Perkins, Ann **  
Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Thanks for the heads up!

Also, Ben, can you _please_ send a citywide PSA that I am a _nurse_ , not a doctor and not an epidemiologist? I don’t want a repeat of the penis-indecent.

Also, I may be hard to reach since due to my profession, I basically won’t have a life for the rest of my life. If you have a spare mask hanging around, please send my way. (And Leslie mentioned something about you having a hazmat? If you don’t mind, can you lend me one, too?)

And prayers. I’ll accept any prayers. Which deity doesn’t matter to me. 

Thank you,

 **Ann Perkins**  
Public Relations Director  
Pawnee Health Department  
Nurse—Pawnee General  
*****  
 _If you have a medical emergency, please call 911, not my cell._

* * *

**To: Perkins, Ann  
From: Wyatt, Benjamin  
Re: Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

I’ll see what I can do.

Stay strong.

**Ben Wyatt**  
Acting to the Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _“Live long and prosper.”—Spock_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
From:** Meagle, Donna  
 **Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Greetings from the West Indies!

Hypothetically speaking, if I spend another week on this wonderful, warm island because of some strongly-advised but not mandated quarantine, do I still have to use my personal leave? I mean, it _is_ an emergency.

**Donna Meagle**  
Office Manager  
Pawnee Parks and Rec Dept.  
*****  
 _Treat Yourself!_

* * *

**To:** Parks_Pawnee **  
From:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
FW: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

HR will be sending out guidance later on today about payroll and leave. It would have been earlier, but due to the incident on the fourth floor involving the DMV and Councilman Dexthart, the department is a bit tied up.

Best Regards,

 **Ben Wyatt**  
Acting to the Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _“Live long and prosper.”—Spock_

* * *

**To:** Knope, Leslie  
 **From:** Meagle, Donna  
 **FW:** **Guidance Concerning COVID19**

What happened NOW?

* * *

**To:** Meagle, Donna  
 **From:** Knope, Leslie  
 **RE: FW: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Donna,

First off, how’s the Caribbean?

If you were referring to our resident Viagra campaign, he was caught with two HR staff inside the supposedly-closed DMV waiting area—It’s a long story. I’m sure there will be a news conference before this evening news. And no, he’s most likely not going to resign.

PS: If you hear the Sanitation Department complaining about being reduced to “janitors”, you’ll know why… It involves chocolate syrup and sushi.

**Leslie Knope**  
Deputy Director  
Department of Parks and Recreation  
Pawnee, Indiana  
*****  
 _Life is wonderful and so are waffles.  
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”—Mark Twain_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin  
 **From:** Knope, Leslie  
 **Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Good morning,

Thank you, Ben, for this very important email. It was much appreciated and I will make sure everyone, including Ron and Andy, reads this. I have some questions about the change in the work-life:

  1. Does this mean we’re not allowed to come into the office at all?
  2. For Ron, his version of working remotely is an area that’s quite literally remote (as in no-cell service, no anything). Any ideas about that?
  3. What happens to the parks? Do we still check on the status of Lot 48 or is that on hold until this blows over? I’m only asking because I can definitely see those fiends from the Library trying to stake a claim on that area during the pandemic.
  4. Piggybacking on the question above—the park rangers have been MIA since the outbreak hit the news waves. This may present an opportunity for a raccoon comeback.
  5. Is the Freddy Spaghetti off then?



PS: Ron has expressed his concerns about the government (city, country, and state) butting into American’s business, telling them what to do and proposing more social programs. He also has many opinions about the stimulus package that may or may not be passed by Congress. The thought of trillions of taxpayer dollars being spent almost provoked a stroke (which would have been terrible for many reasons, including the trip to the hospital).

Which leads me to my next question? If a stroke does happen, can Ron claim worker’s comp?

PSS: Please invest in a hazmat suit, if you have to. I’d hate for you to pull a Chris… Remember, I like seeing your face around the office with your plaid button-ties and thin ties. Also, we have a meeting at the mural on the third floor at 4 pm.

PSSS: How screwed are we?

Stay Safe!

 **Leslie Knope**  
Deputy Director  
Department of Parks and Recreation  
Pawnee, Indiana  
*****  
 _Life is wonderful and so are waffles.  
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”—Mark Twain_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin  
 **From:** Knope, Leslie  
 **Re: Re: Re: Guidance Concerning COVID19**

Thank you for your appreciation, Leslie. I’ll make sure to forward any updates I receive from the Mayor’s Office.

To answer your questions:

  1. As of right now, it’s recommended that everyone considered “non-essential” stay away from City Hall. Unfortunately, the Parks Department is considered “non-essential.”
  2. About Ron—if we need him, I’m sure you know how to reach him.
  3. Parks are currently not closed, but I highly doubt that will be the case next week. To be frank, Leslie,
  4. Mother Nature has been reminding us mere mortals about who’s in charge. Let the raccoons be, for the time being.
  5. Unless Freddy can be streamed online, yes, sadly, his concert is canceled for the time being.



PS: Ron is aware that worker’s comp _is_ a social program, right? Also, it’s a freaking pandemic _. Of course_ , the government’s involved.

PS.5: At least, someone appreciates my attire! (In a completely friendly manner, of course). I’m afraid the mural-meeting will have to be canceled due to the social distancing rule (since I’m acting to the acting head of City Hall, I have to actually follow the policies), but I’ll definitely take a rain check.

PSS: I ordered three suits off of Amazon with face guards. Sadly, they will not be delivered until May which is equally sad given whom I lived with—I tried to explain to my roommates the importance of maintaining a clean home without my intervention. It went as expected.

PSSS: Considering Pawnee’s complete disregard of healthy measures (no offense), including OD’ing on Sweetums bars… we can only hope for the best. Ten cases so far.

Stay safe, as well!

 **Ben Wyatt**  
Acting to the Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _“Live long and prosper.”—Spock_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin  
 **From:** Haverford, Thomas M.  
 **Re: Really?**

Heard about the hazmat suits.

The Batman suit wasn’t enough for you?

* * *

**To:** Haverford, Thomas M.  
 **From:** Wyatt, Benjamin  
 **Re: Re: Really?**

If you were paying attention, Tom, you would’ve realized that the costume does not do much to protect the entire face.

And also, as the youth would say: don’t hate.

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin  
 **From:** Haverford, Thomas M.  
 **Re: Re: Re: Really?**

Don’t ever say that again.

You know what? Don’t talk to me for the rest of the week.

* * *

**To:** Haverford, Thomas M.  
 **From:** Knope, Leslie  
 **Re: SMH**

Tom, stop teasing Ben about his Batman suit. We all have likes and hobbies.

* * *

**To:** mrswaffles@pmail.com  
 **From:** bwyatt65@pmail.com  
 **Re:**?

I haven’t heard from you in the past few hours. Everything’s okay?

Leslie, I hope you know the mural meeting cancellation will not hinder our partnership. I will definitely happen and it will definitely be wonderful (I’ll make sure to bring hot, fresh pancakes), but now’s not the time.

* * *

**To:** bwyatt65@pmail.com  
 **From:** mrswaffles@pmail.com  
 **Re:Re:**?

Oh, no! I’m not mad at you or anything!

We’ve all been busy doing damage control—Jerry had accidentally sent out a robocall to all of Pawnee about our “stockpile” of hand sanitizer and toilet paper! (He was supposed to let them know that we did not have any, but, you know, _Jerry_ ).

Also, if you hear any complaints from anyone about Ron threatening them with their lives if they don’t leave his office, no need to interfere. It’s been handled.

I just realized that this should’ve been addressed in my work email. Sorry about that.

Love,  
Leslie

* * *

**To:** mrswaffles@pmail.com  
 **From:** bwyatt65@pmail.com  
 **Re:Re:Re:**?

That explains the hundreds of messages left on my desk phone after I came back from— And Jerry? Sighs.

Actually, I’m glad you didn’t send this via Pawnee City Hall email. Especially since I’m supposed to entirely ignore Ron’s actions (as long as the cops don’t make an appearance, I’ll completely disregard any complaints).

Love even more,  
Ben

* * *

**To:** Parks_Pawnee  
 **From:** Traeger, Christopher **  
Re: Daily Bulletin**

Good afternoon Team!

Please remember to stay safe and take care of your bodies! It’s literally the only ones you have unless you’re a member of the Zorp club, then you’ll have the ability to reincarnate.

Also, remember to hydrate and take your vitamins! (That includes you, Ron).

As Ben has eluded to so wonderfully in his earlier email, my body is built like a microchip and one bad cell can mess up the entire system. So, to protect you from myself and vice versa, I will be working from the confines of my completely sanitized Indianapolis condo. You are welcomed to visit, but it’s strongly recommended you come with a bio-hazard suit and a Lysol spray.

Be well, everyone!

 **Chris Traeger**  
Acting City Manager  
City of Pawnee  
*****  
 _Improvise. Adapt. Overcome **.**_

* * *

**To:** Wyatt, Benjamin **  
From:** Traeger, Christopher **  
Re: Potential**

Ben,

I think I’ve found the perfect lady for you! I met her as I ran mile three of my 10k past the Indianapolis General Hospital. She’s a doctor, tall, beautiful and has lovely brown hair. Let me know if you’re interested!

PS: Remember your daily supplements of Zinc and Vitamin C. Keep your blood flowing and exercise wisely. (Perhaps stay away from the prized calzones?)

-Chris

* * *

**To:** Traeger, Christopher  
From: Wyatt, Benjamin  
Re: Re: Potential

Thank you, Chris, for the consideration, but Indianapolis is a little too far for me since I’m running City Hall in your physical absence. Also, I doubt the doctor will have time for a date for quite some time since she’s, you know, a doctor during a pandemic.

Actually, I think I’ll be living the single life for a while. Remember, social distancing saves lives.

PS: Yes, I’ve been taking my supplements, and no, I will not stay away from calzones. Calzones keep me sane, but thank you for the advice.

-Ben

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe, everyone!


End file.
